Friday, 11 November 2011

100th Post, and it's not good...

Got the appeal result yesterday, and I failed.

So, bye bye MH Nursing.

Hello.... Something?
Not sure what yet.
Still sinking in to some degree.

Need to find out if I can use what I passed as credits for anything else.
Need a bloody job too.

Friday, 18 March 2011


I've never had a talent.
I've been good, academically, but with every depression my mind has atrophied, faltered, failed.
My A's reduced to B's, to E's and to fails.

Now my physical health, constant colds and infections, is what steals my future.

I sound so bloody melodramatic, but fuck it. That's how it feels.

Tuesday, 11 January 2011

End of the line?

After almost 3 years of training, just 2 months from qualifying, I may have finally messed it up.
I've been referred to the Conduct Board meeting due to extended sickness and absence during this final placement.
I've not been off work due to mental health problems, but due to flu followed by a rather nasty chest infection. I've clocked up 3 weeks of absence, and I fear that this coupled with my abysmal attendance during the earlier half of the course due to depression may be the end of the dream for me.

I love my job - in many ways it has changed my life, and the idea of losing it now is hard to stomach. I've stayed on medication (Venlafaxine) for a lot longer than I would have been happy to otherwise, in order to keep my place at Uni. However, I'm not happy to work when I know my health (physical or mental) would make me unable to do my job as well as I'd like to.

I know I can be a good nurse, and I have worked hard to get this far, but I also know that sickness and absence is what has cost me a job in the past, and what will probably cost me this one.

I'm hoping for a minor miracle.