Uni tomorrow...

Time for a fag, a cup of tea, and a vague attempt at sleep.
AbsentUncle has taken over the selling of Nan's house, and is keen for her to go into residential care. I think that is the best route too. I think. I've done a bit of care home searching, hopefully we can get her into one near my Mum's in Basildon.
This is a huge relief, and I need to stop being a paranoid bitch, and finding elements of "ain't-I-the-martyr" in his voice. I'm really not a very nice person right now.
Right. Clear head, get uni over and done with, then shimmy over to the hospital to see Nan. Perfect. Sorted. Done.

What's life going to throw at me next?
Shall we have a poll, or just throw some random answers out there?
I'm voting on developing an allergy to yogurt, leaving me without my main safe food. Now there's an unthinkable disaster just waiting to happen. I might actually be more scared of this than I am of someone dying on top of me during sex. Yes. That freaks me out, ok?

Home Hairdressing

I'm actually quite good at cutting my own hair. I just gave myself a rather fetching fringe, and I'm quite please with the result. I'm also quite pleased that for once I cut my hair because I wanted to, rather than as an alternative to self harm.
I had a bit of a habit of cut/shaving chunks out of my hair whenever I thought that I'd go much to far if I self harmed
I gave myself an all over number 1, pure skinhead chic, when the Citalopram decided it just wouldn't work. I grew to quite like it, but at that point I liked anything which screamed "for fuck's sake just HELP ME".

I'm quite glad I have hair now, and that I've managed to make it look quite, well, pretty.

I also succeeded in eating some noodles today, which have been a banned food for about 6 months, so I'm quite proud of that as well.

I just read Lola Snow's post on TIDYING, and I've been there a few times. Today, however, when I got stressed over revision, I organised my notes - it gave me something to do when I needed something, and tomorrow my revision will be easier.

See. I can find positives. I can be positive.
Hmmm. Fag break!

Focus On The Positive

... Says my counsellor, and my Connexions PA.

Now, they do have a valid point in saying that, but giving yourself Brownie Points for every little positive step just seems a bit like cheating. After all, the positive isn't important, it isn't what people remember you for. It's always the negative stuff they pounce on, using it to rip you to shreds, whereas the positive stuff is so easily ignored.

Lets try listing "good stuff" since returning from 'Oop North.

Here goes nothing.

Kudos for going to Connexions session, counselling and Doctor's appointments this week.

Double Points for doing my jobs on the cleaning rota.

Smiley Face for making (and eating!) a veggie chilli, and for going food shopping.

Gold Star for bathing, washing hair and de-fuzzing legs without any slashy-slashy business.

.... ignore "not going to uni"....