I still can't sleep and I have a desperate urge to eat EVERYTHING in the cupboards. However I have no mustard powder, therefore cannot guarantee a thorough purge, and I've already eaten 3 portions of yogurt.
I don't think the void is my stomach, but I can't work out what it is that I need.
I want Boyfriend to love me, want me, keep me safe, but I'm becoming even more of a clingy emotional moody cow every day, and I'm so paranoid that he can't put up with me, he's going to dump me, which just makes me even more needy.
I'm working so hard to keep my disordered eating tendancies at bay, when half the time I want to embrace them, let them become who I am because surely that will be better than the inner turmoil. I can't be taken seriously as having disordered eating, because my BMI isn't low enough, I don't purge enough and sometimes I manage "normal" eating patterns because at work or with family, I don't want them to suspect, or to accuse me of attention seeking.
Remember. It's all my head. I'm just like everyone else, and if I really wanted to be happy, I would be.