Tuesday, 4 November 2008

Shiny Pretty Bright New Drugs

Venlafaxine [Efexor] is the new drug of choice. Fluoxetine [Prozac] has deserted me once again, and that was 60mg daily, so we're trying something else.

Dr Bill Oddie apparently used Venlafaxine for a while. He described it as "very strange, feeling like you're three feet to the left of life". Hmmm. Not instilling much confidence, but that "three feet" maybe put me slap-bang in the middle of real life, and I'm ready to try anything. I have exams in a few weeks, and an essay due, so I need my brain to start working. Pronto.

Boyfriend's bolthole 'Oop North was just what I needed. TLC, lots of hugs, encouragement to eat/shower/get out of bed. Slight moan though - I told boyfriend that I keep a blog, for venting etc, and he thought that it was a really bad idea, and would just encourage me to dwell on my problems.

Not sure whether he has a valid point - I think it comes back to the lesser of two evils concept. When I would normally binge, purge, self harm or drink myself to oblivion, I blog. It may be a web page devoted to my endless whining, but this doesn't involve scars or throwing up blood. Also, how come I'm training to be a mental health nurse, I suffer from a globally acknowledged condition and yet so many people still believe that if I really wanted to be happy, I would just snap out of it, pull my socks up, THINK POSITIVE.

Maybe it is "all in my head", in which case, I want to get out of my head.
Pass the horse tranquilizers.

Ah. Crap. You gave that all up with the heavy drinking, remember? F*ck it. I'm at least having a fag.

2 comments:

Lola Snow said...

***smokes in solidarity***
Glad things are better, and brighter! Keep blogging, your blog has much readability. Nothing wrong with a bit of dwelling, musing, and pondering. I didn't get where I am today by letting things go....oh no...wait....scrap that. Keep blogging, you make me smile!

Lola x

Hannah said...

heya

i'm on 300mg of venlafaxine per day, been on it for nearly a year and it has sort of helped me, until I tried to come off it and then it made me really unwell!
Hope it helps u get through the exams honey.
Getting your feelings out is good for u, it's a good coping mechanism and helps u understand yourself better. Keep it up hon, you're great at it!
xxx